Friday, August 3, 2012

Why We Are Crying

Deanna had her third UA today and eye check to prove that she is not a "drug addict"!!

Yesterday was a supervised visit with baby Charlotte, who is 3 and has been in foster care since July 6.

At the end of the visit, the social worker had to take her away again.

Charlotte began to cry and reach out for her mother. She was crying, "Mommy, please let me come home! Mommy, I need you!"

This situation is being sorted out. I fear that any Myalgia Mommie going through a conflict (in this case divorce) could lose custody of her children.

As a Myalgia Mommie who suffers from chronic migraines, when things like this happen to good people (in this case a friend of twenty years) I have to put on my law school hat and help sort out an ignorant Social Worker. WAIT. There are excellent Social Workers in our world, probably some that are also Myalgia Mommies.

Please leave a comment of support for Deanna. She misses her kids. I would have a complete breakdown in her situation and believe she is navigating the system gracefully. 


  1. It is my professional opinion as an RN that child protective services always makes poor choices. In every interaction I've had with them in the ER, they either blow off the kids who need to be protected the most, or heavy handedly go after the parents who clearly have not harmed their child. Worst state agency I can think of. I have nothing good to say about these people. Good luck, Deanna and Baby Charlotte!

    1. I worked as an attorney advocate for children in the system in Washington DC at a small firm, Fawcett & Fawcett. A good social worker was hard to find. The foster care and group homes that the babies are sent to are horrible places. (I have had the opportunity to work with a therapeutic foster care program in Colorado and they are wonderful. There is a model that works!)

      As a country we really need to sort out how we care for children and those that can't care for themselves.

      I have such respect for good nurses! Thank you!

    2. As the ex-nurse of the child protection agency that removed D's kids, I have to say that DHS doesn't always make bad choices. In the years that I worked with them, I helped remove some kids from terrible situations and I'm proud of that. However, that said, CPS is underfunded, undertrained and understaffed. The case workers have unsafe caseloads, very little training and no medical training at all. Most of them have never heard of any of the chronic pain diagnoses, and don't have the time to properly read and understand medical files. That was what I was there for, as an interpreter, and we were very lucky, as most child welfare departments don't have a dedicated nurse, they have to pay or beg medical providers to help them.
      I've also known Deanna for ages, and I know how long many of these problems have been going on (although not the latest! Holy moly girl! I owe you a pedicure!!) I wouldn't rely on the case manager to be able to understand any of the files you've given them, but they do still have a nurse, and hopefully she's reviewing your case. If you have any people on your medical team that would write you a supportive letter or make a phone call on your behalf, that would be key!
      Best wishes girls :) and see you soon Anna-Lisa!

  2. Navigating the system gracefully? If she can do that, she's one special lady. Will pray for Deanna and her kids.

  3. Thank you anonymous. She is being patient and working with the local Mental Health service provider, a new smarter social worker and we will resolve this.

    She is a special lady. As a myalgia mommie, it takes a special person for me to blog.

    I have no idea how to start a prayer chain, but basically, that's what we need.

  4. Thank you for your replies. I appreciate them more than you know. I will tell my story from beginning to end later, but now I am facing another weekend without their chatter, or hearing, "Mom can you..."

    I am trying to keep busy and scrub my house from too to bottom. The only rooms I haven't really touched are the girls' rooms. That I am doing this weekend. Except I can't bring myself to wash their pillows since they smell like them...and I can't bring myself to do it. I've already folded laundry belonging to girls that aren't here. So...the rooms ger done this weekend...but unit will have to be in small spurts for ny own sanity.

    Thank you all again, and share this link with anyone and everyone you know. I suffered in silence 15 years, and if it can happen to me it can happen to you.

  5. Deanna, my heart goes out to you. Just reading about your ordeal makes me cry. I'm sending you and your little ones big hugs. You are an awesome mommy. Reading about all the awesome work you've done in your past... wow! Nothing makes a mom sleep easier than knowing those creeps aren't roaming the streets. I probably can't say anything to lessen your pain. Know that I am thinking of you, and sending love and light your way. Stay strong!

    1. Thank you Anonymous. The stats tell me that many people are reading this blog today.
      One of the reasons that I adore Deanna is that she is able to find room in her life, after putting kids to bed and parenting, while fighting some serious pain, to go on-line and help protect all little girls.
      We Myalgia Mommies are an awesome bunch!

  6. Just to keep everyone updated, although I am sure Anna-Lisa will post a new blog post with the link, too.


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